You and your spouse, of course, are the primary role models for your children, as we looked at last week. However, as kids approach school-age they become more influenced by media and popular culture, and this may lead to interest in role models (celebrities, athletes, etc.) who may or may not be setting such a great example. What’s a mom to do?
- DO be aware of who your child looks up to. If there are particular actors, sports figures or singers he likes, does your child want to emulate their talent? If so, use this desire as an opportunity for him to try out acting, singing, baseball or whatever the admired skill may be.
- DO try to find out what your child knows about particular role models. If your child takes an interest in a celebrity as a person, there may be more need for conversation.
- DON’T ridicule or make judgmental comments about an admired celebrity; your child will respond by shutting you out. Instead, ask your child what she thinks about the star. Her opinion may be more grounded than you expect. If not, however,
- DON’T make a big deal about it. Instead, explain in a neutral way that celebrities have a very different life from yours, and their choices and lifestyle aren’t the same as most people’s. The fact that a beloved star dresses in certain designer clothes or eats crazy food doesn’t mean that you’re going to allow your child to do the same thing, of course.
- DO find whatever you can to agree with (“Shaun White certainly is good at snowboarding,” perhaps, or “Miley Cyrus does have a nice voice,” or whatever you can say honestly). If your child feels like you and he have some areas of agreement on the star, he may be more likely to listen to your opinions about areas where you differ.
- DON’T try too hard to discourage interest in a particular role model. Do you remember what it was like to be young and absolutely crazy about a certain performer? Often the more a parent objects, the more fuel this gives to the child’s interest.
Remember to be proactive, and try to expose children to as many positive role models as you can. Whether famous or not, everyone from authors to astronauts, teachers to cancer survivors to those who take a stand for what they believe in can be wonderful role models. Talk to your kids about the people you look up to and why, putting your emphasis on values and qualities you especially admire. After all, you’re still the most important role model of all.
Your assignment: If your children are old enough to have famous role models, or celebrities they especially like, spend a little time this week considering the messages, positive or negative, that your kids get from these people. Have a conversation if you feel concerned, and also talk to your kids about your own role models.
