With Father’s Day just around the corner, this is a perfect time to think about your husband and his roles. Often moms are so busy caring for their children and trying to keep their own heads above water that their partner doesn’t get a lot of attention. If you find this to be the case, there are some ways you can improve things:
· Don’t take him for granted. This sounds so basic, but again and again moms tell me that this is a challenge. Think about how different it would be if your husband wasn’t there, and look for things he does that make your life easier. Tell him what you appreciate, and be sure he knows what you most value about him as a man, a father and a husband. Make him feel important, and not like he’s just another of your responsibilities.
· Make time to be a couple. It can be hard to take time out when you have small children, but it’s extremely important to maintain your connection as a couple. Ideally, try for a weekly or monthly (or at least quarterly!) date night so you can get out of the house and away from all distractions. If leaving home doesn’t work for you, set aside regular time together after the kids are in bed when you turn off the TV, set chores aside and just focus on each other. The main thing is that you both make some effort to keep your relationship in the forefront.
· Recognize his need for time. Men are often better than women at taking the time they need for themselves, but if your husband doesn’t fall into this category then encourage him to do what he enjoys, whether going out for a beer or a round of golf or just spending some time alone. As a bonus, if you’re supportive of his need for down time he’s likely to return the favor.
· Think about what would make him happy, in general. There’s a good chance you’re already doing this. If not, consider what’s especially important to him (or ask him if you aren’t sure) – steak once a week? sex? clean socks? a tidy living room? – and look for ways to balance these desires with your own needs and available time.
· Let him have a parenting style that’s different from yours. Moms often want to micromanage their partner’s parenting, and it can be tempting to make lots of corrections. Unless there’s a health or safety issue, don’t do this! It’s ok if Dad changes a diaper differently than you do, or if he prefers wrestling over reading stories. There’s no one right way to do things, and the more you and your husband can respect the other’s ability to effectively parent, the better things will be for all of you. Try to focus on what you especially like about his interactions with your children instead of what you disagree with.
None of this takes away from the fact that you also need time, care and appreciation, but you’ll often find that the more supportive you are of your husband, the more he’ll tend to respond in kind. May your family’s Father’s Day celebration be a special one!
Your assignment: Think about your partner this week, and things you could do that might make him happier, or your relationship better. Appreciate what he brings to your life and your family, and let him know how important he is to all of you.
