Moms are nothing if not teachers. It’s one of the basics of the job; every time you speak, you teach a lesson, instruct, share knowledge. Unfortunately, your actions tend to say even more than your words.
You probably have a long list of qualities you try to teach your children, regarding their manners, behaviors, eating, bathing and cleaning habits, among other things. Here’s the important question: how well do your own behaviors reflect the lessons you’re trying to instill?
It isn’t uncommon to hold your children to a higher standard than you’re willing to adopt for yourself, even though this really isn’t fair. Granted, you’re the mom, which gives you a certain amount of leeway. At the same time, it can be confusing to a child when your words and actions don’t match.
Here are a few common examples to consider:
- Yelling – moms generally don’t tolerate a lot of yelling from children, at least indoors. You encourage one sibling not to yell at the other and you ask a child to come to the room where you are rather than yelling at you from across the house. Do you manage not to yell either? Many moms find that keeping their temper, remaining calm 24/7, is extremely hard; most do, at least occasionally, resort to yelling.
- Cleaning – is your bed made right now? Are your pj’s put away? Do you clear your dishes after each meal? If you want your children to make these basic tasks a habit, you have to set the example. Kids will pick up much of what you habitually do, accepting your actions as “how things are done,” whether good or bad.
- Manners – how well do you do at remembering please and thank you? Be sure to let your children hear you using good manners at every opportunity; few traits are as important as manners in determining how others respond to your kids.
- Eating – this is an especially hard area to address if you or your husband is a picky eater, but encourage your children to try at least one bite of every food on their plate, and don’t let them see parents avoiding undesired dishes. Try to expand your own palate a little, if it means that the whole family can eat healthier food.
- General behavior – if you tell your child to talk nicely about other people but then gossip on the phone about all the other moms who are driving you crazy, your child will pick up your habit and ignore your requests to the contrary. As kids get older, this also tends to hold true for the type of language you use, whether you smoke, whether you spend time volunteering for causes you believe in. Whatever example you set, good or bad, will override words you speak to the contrary.
A good litmus test for actions is the “video camera test” – if someone were to follow you around all day with a recorder, would you be pleased by the actions captured on tape? Your children are a lot like that camera, and are likely to play back for you exactly what they’ve seen.
Your assignment: Think about your own actions in areas you frequently address with your children. As much as possible, try to model the behavior you expect from them; lead by example, so they see you doing whatever you’re asking them to do. Good luck!
