Every mom has been there at some point. You feel completely overwhelmed, ready to wave the white flag and run away to a deserted island where no one wants anything from you, no one is crying, and the mile-long to-do list has been mysteriously replaced by a beach chair and a fruity beverage with a paper umbrella on top.
But back to reality. Mothering is hard work, and sometimes much more discouraging than most moms would like to admit. You’ve spent the last month trying to potty train, and your child refuses to care. Your toddler will not sleep through the night or eat anything remotely resembling a vegetable. Your kindergartner doesn’t want to be friends, much less share anything, with a single one of her classmates.
It’s easy to get bogged down in the every day challenges and lose sight of the bigger picture. Yes, at some point your child will use the toilet, eat and sleep normally and make friends, but in the here and now these accomplishments feel like a distant fantasy.
What’s a mom to do, to keep her sanity and her positive outlook? Here are a few ideas:
· Know that you’re not alone. Moms often don’t, for obvious reasons, air their challenges to the world at large, but every mom her hard issues, hard days, sometimes hard weeks or months. And if that’s the case…
· There’s support out there. Whether in the form of online resources, books to read, a conversation with a mom at the park or with a trained professional, there are new ideas to try, people to communicate with, others who will make your concerns a little more manageable.
· Remember the big picture. Sometimes just looking down the road and remembering that this, too, SHALL pass, can keep issues in perspective.
· Shift your focus to what you’re doing right. It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong, because problems stand out. The more you can redirect your thoughts toward your parenting successes, however, and look at areas that are going well with your children, the better you’re likely to feel.
· Ask your kids what they love most about mommy, and write this down. Nothing can turn around discouragement as much as being told which of your many qualities your kids think are great.
There’s an allegory circulating about two men working at a building site. Asked what they’re doing, the first man tiredly replies that he’s just laying bricks over and over. The second man, doing the same job, proudly shares that he’s building a beautiful cathedral.
Potty training a child, solving sleep issues, finding common ground between feuding siblings – these are the bricks you’re slowly putting in place (sometimes very, very slowly). Over time, each new skill you reinforce, each argument you referee, each sadness you erase helps build your child into the person he or she will ultimately become. It may be years before you fully see the results of all your hard work, but in the meantime you have to know that every loving act is one more brick in the masterpiece that is your child. Give yourself a pat on the back!
Your assignment: Think about what issues tend to make you discouraged as a mom. See what you can do to get a little more perspective, try a new approach or find understanding people to support you. Don’t let your challenges override your successes.
