As a mom, you want to capture as much of your kid’s childhood as possible – but if you aren’t careful, it can be easy to miss out on the experiences you most want to enjoy.
I was reminded of this last week. My daughter and I were at a Girl Scout camp together, and she had a featured part in a skit that our unit put on for everyone. So I did what many moms would do – I filmed her. But here’s the thing; once the skit was done, I realized that by dividing my attention between the little screen on the back of my camera and the actual performance, I missed out on the experience of just enjoying my daughter’s moment in the spotlight. And this didn’t feel like a good trade-off at all.
There are many common offenders which may hinder your enjoyment of your children or cause you to miss out on some good times; here are a few, and what you can do about them:
- Being too busy. Instead of putting so much emphasis on productivity, and having something to show for your time spent, recognize the importance of making memories with your child and set aside time every day to sit and play with her.
- Not paying attention. When playing mindless (to you) games, or reading picture books for the hundredth time, it’s easy to let your mind start wandering. Even if you don’t care about the task at hand, make an effort to be present, focus on your child and watch his expressions, admire his smiles and laughs, and try to vicariously enjoy the experience.
- Making all the choices. When you can, let your child decide what you do, play or read, what park you visit or what you’ll make for lunch. Letting her have a say in the process offers you an insight into her world, and will probably make you both happier in the process.
- Being too practical. Ok, so finger paints, glitter glue, mud, or anything involving small beads and sequins can make for a giant mess, but they can also be a lot of fun. Put on old clothes, set up a craft area in the grass, and don’t worry about your kids – or you – getting dirty.
- Wanting everything to be perfect. Say you want to go to the park. You can spend a lot of time getting everything “just so” – calling several friends to meet you, packing lunch and snacks, searching for the missing sand toys to bring – or you can just hop in the car and go, then leave when your child gets hungry or bored. Sometimes all your extra time and effort just isn’t worth it.
- Looking at life through the camera. Yes, back to my own shortfall. There are ways to avoid watching the camera more than your child; one easy option is to get a friend to help you. You watch your child while your friend films, then you do the same for her. A tripod can also free you up, especially if your child is doing something stationary. Set up the camera, press “record,” then turn your attention to your child. As author Eric Weiner sums up, it can be difficult to simultaneously record and experience life; we often have to pick one or the other. Try bypassing the camera once in a while, and trust yourself to remember some of the special moments – easier to do if you’re completely focused, and not staring through a camera lens.
On our last night at camp, my daughter and I snuggled and watched the stars together until she fell asleep hugging my arm. There are no pictures of this, nor do there need to be. I will hold on to my special memory, thankful that this time I didn’t miss out.
Your assignment: Think about ways you may be missing out on enjoying your children as much as you (and perhaps they too) would like. Make time this week for some special time together, undertake a messy project, or try especially hard to give your kids your undivided attention during play time. And leave the camera at home!
