As moms, it’s easy to fall into the “more is better” mindset. There’s always more we can do for and with our children; more activities to try, more money to spend, more time to give. The tricky part is figuring out the line where “more” becomes too much, and our actions lead to our kids feeling an ongoing sense of entitlement. What do you want your children to expect from you?
As summer break rapidly draws to a close, many moms find themselves torn. With children starting or returning to school in the coming weeks, you want to squeeze in as much fun and as many memories as humanly possible. However, you also want your kids to appreciate the experiences they have, the places you take them, the things they are given, the time you devote to their activities. You want it all to mean something to them. Unfortunately, the more you give your children, in your efforts to enrich their lives in various ways, the easier it can be for them to take it all for granted.
When deciding what “enough” consists of for your kids, start by considering the areas below. Each is something your children would probably like more of; how do you feel about what you’re giving to them?
Time (yours) – There’s never enough, and many children would be glad to have your time and attention around the clock. It helps to decide on a daily amount of focused time that you want to spend with your children, and make this a priority. Without a specific benchmark, you may never feel like you’re giving your kids enough time, and Mommy Guilt can easily set in.
Possessions – Toys, games and stuffed animals are the bane of many moms’ existence. But what to do? If you’re highly disciplined and organized, you could adhere to the one-toy-in, one-toy-out rule, or regularly rotate bins of toys between the house and garage. If your child isn’t especially sentimental and is happy to part with outgrown toys, great; for the rest of us, resisting the urge to buy new things (while trying to covertly dispose of all the cheap plastic toys and party favors) can be a necessity to keep chaos at bay.
Experiences – You want your children to see new things, go to new places and explore; sometimes lots of activities are great, but it all depends on you. If, for example, you really love going with your children to the zoo, the park, story time or day trips, you may feel like you all miss out when you don’t have a full schedule of outings. However, if you go to these places more from a sense of obligation, maybe it’s time to scale back a little; your child won’t know what he’s missing, and there’s plenty to be learned at home if you’d rather get out less frequently.
Money – Whether in the form of purchases, entrance fees or plain hard cash, a lot of kids feel some entitlement around money. What do you want to give your children outright, and what must be earned? This ties into the ages of your children, your personal philosophy on money and whether you’ve yet introduced allowances. Even 3- or 4-year-olds can understand some basics about money – that toys and activities have a cost, for instance, and that your family probably has some type of budget.
With all of this, the last piece of the equation should be gratitude. Lack of gratitude is the best indicator that feelings of entitlement are setting in. Anything you can do to help foster a sense of gratitude in your children is important, and will make life more pleasant for everyone. Regularly share what you’re thankful for, encourage your kids to do the same, and explain in age-appropriate terms how fortunate you all are to have both the big and small things that are easily taken for granted.
If you’re doing, giving and sharing what you enjoy, and your children seem to appreciate most of it, you’re on the right track. After all, as a mom you’re entitled to enjoy your children as much as you can, however that works best for you.
Your assignment: Think about the time, possessions, experiences and money you share with your child. If you’re satisfied with what you’re providing but feel like your child takes too much for granted or continually wants more, look at ways to address this, encourage gratitude, and try to head off entitlement.
