Do you sometimes feel like you have a split personality? If you’re like a lot of moms, who you are on the inside may not match who you are on the outside, and who you know yourself to be may not be the person you want to show the world. Reconciling the inner you and the outer you can be a challenge, because there are aspects of life that are hard to admit or share.
Here are some common examples of the inner vs. outer differences, and ideas for finding a happy medium:
Who you see: a woman who needs help, with too many balls in the air. Everyone wants your time, you feel responsible for too many things (and people!), and it’s overwhelming.
Who you want the world to see: a woman who has it all together, who’s endlessly capable, and who can manage whatever ends up on her plate.
To find a happy medium: give yourself permission to ask for help. Often help is there if we look for it, but until we admit that we can’t do everything we aren’t in a position to have anyone else lend a hand. See last week’s blog; try to determine what’s most important among your responsibilities, so you can focus on what truly matters to you. You can either delegate the rest or simply set it aside for the time being.
Who you see: a mom who sometimes gets frustrated, raises her voice more often than she’d like, and doesn’t have nearly enough answers to all the parenting conundrums that show up in life.
Who you want the world to see: a mom with endless patience, who knows what she’s doing and is comfortable with all her parenting choices.
To find a happy medium: recognize that you’re only human, and that none of us have all the answers. There’s no set manual for mothering, everyone has to learn as they go, and anyone who’s going to judge you for losing your cool or for how you handle a situation may not be someone you want in your life (or, at the very least, someone whose opinion should matter).
Who you see: a person strapped for cash.
Who you want the world to see: a person with plenty of money, who doesn’t worry about every nickel and dime.
To find a happy medium: remember that this is a tough time for a lot of families, and no one wants to admit how difficult it is to have money issues. Bring your own travel mug of coffee to playgroups instead of the $5 Starbucks latte, and don’t be afraid to bring brown bag lunches to the park; the food you make at home will probably be healthier anyway.
Who you see: a wife whose relationship is way on the back burner, with children who get most of your time and energy.
Who you want the world to see: a vibrant, sexy woman with a marriage full of passion and free from strife.
To find a happy medium: rest assured that most moms of infants and toddlers share your situation. When you’re raising young children, you may not feel like there’s much left of yourself for anyone else. This doesn’t diminish the importance of your relationship, however, and it is important to set aside kid-free time to focus on each other, talk about things that have nothing to do with children, and reconnect.
The common thread throughout these scenarios is embarrassment at being less than perfect, or at being in a challenging situation. It’s hard to admit when things are difficult in any part of your life, but once you open that dialog you’ll often find that your fellow moms understand exactly what you’re going through. It takes trust, courage and the right friends to be honest about your struggles, yet the support you stand to gain – and the affirmation that you really aren’t alone – can be priceless.
Your assignment: Look at your life right now and see where the inner you is most different from the outer you that the world sees. How can you begin to reconcile this, or give yourself the gift of sharing more of yourself with others who can understand and support you? It can be uncomfortable to open up, but you’ll probably find that many of the moms around you are in similar situations. Good luck!
