Most of us have been there at some point. Right in the middle of opening presents or enjoying the big holiday feast your child yells out something mortifying; “This toy is ugly!” “I hate getting clothes!” “Grandma’s house always smells bad!” “This is the worst food ever!” If you’ve ever had this happen, you know just how embarrassing a child’s poor manners (or inability to think before speaking) can be.
If your child is at least preschool age, there are ways to reduce the odds of an inappropriate outburst:
- Role play – I heard about one set of parents who “gave” their children various household items to treat as gifts, challenging them to come up with something nice to say about the most ordinary of things. Examples: “This sponge is a nice shade of blue,” or “This spoon will really help me eat my cereal”. The idea was that if the children could be creatively grateful for truly uninspired objects, they’d be much better equipped to handle real gifts that might otherwise elicit an unpleasant response.
- Model it – Let your children see you graciously receive and open presents. Explain to your kids that being nice about a present is important, even if they don’t like it. Assure them that they can air their complaints later, to you, if they have an issue, but that being completely honest when opening gifts may sometimes hurt people’s feelings.
- Practice a basic response – If nothing else, be sure your children know that simply saying “Thank you!” is an appropriate response when they receive any gift.
- Be proactive, especially w/ meals – Prepare your child ahead of time if he tends to be a picky eater or if you know that a particular meal won’t be to his liking. Decide if you want him to take a bite of everything, eat everything he’s served, or eat something different (that you provide) if you know that an unfamiliar meal will create more difficulties than you feel like dealing with.
- Focus on what TO do – All your “don’ts” tend to put your child’s attention directly where you don’t want it to be; focus on what you DO want. For instance, tell your kids “Sit nicely at the table and only say polite things about the food,” or “No matter what you think of your presents, smile and give each person a big hug.”
We frequently don’t think about issues of manners until it’s too late, but often a little preparation goes a long way toward avoiding embarrassing moments. However, if your child still says or does something awful just remember that at least you’ll have a good story to share after the fact!
Your assignment: Think about your upcoming celebrations, and what you might do to instill good manners in your children and avoid having them say something they shouldn’t. Help them work through what to say and do, to make your holiday nicer for everyone.
