You’ve probably spent a good amount of time this month finding the perfect gift for each person on your list, but often the best gift you can give yourself isn’t one from a store; it’s the gift of letting go of things in your life which no longer serve you.
Here are just a few examples of what you might be better off without:
Negative or critical people – Unless you’re related to them, there’s no reason you have to keep people around who bring you down. If the moms in a particular playgroup make you constantly question your parenting choices, say, or cause you to feel badly about yourself, or even if they just complain all the time, it may not be worth sticking around. You can find another group for your child, where you’ll both enjoy being.
Things that make you feel bad – Those before-I-had-kids size 6 jeans may have been your favorites, but if you have no reasonable hope of getting back into them then get rid of them. “Shoulds” make moms hang onto all sorts of things: clothes you think you should be able to fit into, needlework projects you should have time for, cookbooks with impossibly complicated recipes that you should be making for dinner. These things not only aren’t being used, but cause you to feel bad every time you run across them. They need to go!
Regrets – It’s easy to beat yourself up long after the fact for mistakes you made or choices you wish you had (or hadn’t) made, believing that this will help you avoid doing the same thing again. Instead, trust yourself to have learned what you needed to learn, and look toward the choices you want to make next time. You can’t change what you’ve done in the past, but you can make yourself miserable if you spend more time looking backward than forward.
Excess stuff – Over the years most people collect far more possessions than they need. Are you good at getting rid of old things when new ones come in? This sounds simple enough, but can actually be quite difficult, particularly when you haven’t cleaned or organized in a while. People also hang onto things just in case a need arises for a particular item in the future. The problem is that when you need the given item you may not be able to find it anyway, so it’s probably not worth taking up space in the meantime.
Unrealistic expectations – You’re setting yourself up to fail any time you declare “I’ll never ______ again” (yell at the kids, overeat, spend hours on Facebook, whatever your particular vice may be). Instead, look at what behavior you’d rather do and focus on that – “I’m going to try and stay more calm” or “I’m going to eat healthier” for instance. And here’s another expectation that many moms hold: “I can do it all.” No, you can’t, and the sooner you accept this the happier you’ll be. As long as you have children at home, your life involves constantly prioritizing and choosing what is and isn’t going to get done. Give yourself permission to let go of what you simply don’t have time for.
Each encumbrance from which you free yourself creates room for new and better things in your life – new people, new possibilities, a new chapter. You deserve these things; allow yourself the means to welcome them in, by letting go of whatever is no longer serving you.
Your assignment: Think about which people or things you may be ready to let go of in your life. Whatever is bringing you down, try to leave it behind. Find a handful of items to donate, rethink staying in a social situation that makes you unhappy, stop holding yourself to impossible standards, and be willing to forgive yourself for your perceived shortcomings.
