When I speak to mom groups, I often ask for words of wisdom: What do you do that makes you feel most connected to your child? What would you recommend to other moms? One answer that comes up over and over again is spending focused one-on-one time with each child.
This sounds easy enough, but life often gets in the way – especially if you have more than one child. You can spend so much time just getting everyone fed, bathed, dressed, and driven all over the place that there isn’t a lot of time left over. Unless you make dedicated “quality time” a priority, it may not happen at all… but the satisfaction it gives you makes it worth the effort.
How do you start building a little more one-on-one time into your day? It depends a lot on your situation.
· If you have one child: the quantity of time may not be hard to come by, but if you’re with your child day in and day out it becomes important to distinguish between simply being in the presence of your child and giving him your undivided attention for a period of time. Even if you’re an accomplished multi-tasker, try to set everything aside for at least 5 or 10 minutes at a time and focus completely on your child.
· If you have two children: when one child is napping, in preschool or otherwise occupied, use the opportunity to spend a little focused time with the other. Another option is to set a timer and explain to each child that they will each have “Mommy time” until the timer goes off, at which point it will be the other child’s turn. Some families have a designated parent-child night each week, alternating which parent takes which child, giving everyone special time to look forward to.
· If you have three or more children: you may want to come up with special activities to do with each child on a regular basis. Perhaps there’s a game your daughter loves for you to play together, your son likes to build Lego cities with you, and your toddler just wants to snuggle and read stories. The timer method may also work for you; if each child understands that they’ll get time of their own, they’re more likely to leave you alone when it’s your time with a sibling.
· If you work outside the home: your time is much more limited, so you have to think about what works with your schedule. You could make a little one-on-one time part of your evening routine, or set aside time over the weekend to dedicate to each child.
Whatever your situation, be realistic about how much time you have, and don’t expect yourself to spend an hour a day with each child. This sounds good, but isn’t practical for most moms. If you can only offer focused attention for five or ten minutes before your mind starts to drift, then aim for shorter periods of time throughout the day. The amount of time is less important than the fact that you’re making the time at all. Having regular, undivided quality time with each of your children will make you and them happier, make you more satisfied as a mom, and give everyone lots of happy memories.
Your assignment: If you don’t already have designated one-on-one time with each child, schedule some this week. Plan an outing together, or just sit down and do some activities together each day while offering your full attention. You’ll be glad you did.
