Why is it so hard to be a good listener? Everyone wants to be better at listening, but it can sometimes be really difficult… particularly for moms surrounded by young children who often have lots (and lots and lots) to say.
What’s so challenging about listening? Several things, actually, depending on whether you’re interacting with your children or another adult.
· With some kids, the talking never stops. If you don’t acquire selective hearing, you may have a hard time focusing on anything besides the constant stream of chatter.
· Preschool subject matter is less than thrilling. To a youngster, the whole world is exciting. Dora and Diego are high drama, and every plot twist is cause for lengthy conversation. You may try hard to be interested, or at least look interested, but this doesn’t change the fact that the topic at hand just doesn’t do much for you.
· Once you’re around adults, you want to be the one doing the talking. After being in 3-year-old mode all day, you’re dying to talk about anything that doesn’t involve a brightly colored monster of some variety. You need to vent, or process your day, or simply have someone listen to YOU.
· If you like to talk, it can be hard to keep quiet. When a spouse or friend tells you something interesting, it may remind you of something similar that happened to you, and you want to share your own experience. Or perhaps you just have a comment or observation to make. There’s nothing wrong with the back and forth of regular conversation, but if you often find yourself interrupting or talking more than you listen, a change might be good.
All of these are valid issues, and can make listening difficult. So what do you do? Heed the title: stop, look and listen. Stop and set aside whatever you’re doing for a few moments, get down on your child’s level, look her in the eye and give her your undivided attention as you listen to her. Don’t finish her sentences or rush her, just let her talk for a little while.
Some moms worry that doing this will only make their child will want more and more of their time, but this isn’t necessarily the case. Consider this: you aren’t listening to the important story your child is trying to tell you. So what does he do? He tells you again. And again. He wants to be heard. Sometimes your dedicated listening will satisfy him, and if you’re lucky he may not need to tell you the story ten more times. No matter what, he’ll feel happier having had the experience of being your center of attention.
Remember to stop, look and listen to your spouse and friends as well. As wonderful as it is to talk, it’s a gift to the other person when you let them be the sole focus of attention. When you put yourself fully into listening mode you no longer have to worry about what you’re going to say next, and you don’t interrupt, you’re simply present in the moment.
Whether with kids or adults, if you’re listening and start getting distracted just bring your attention back to the here and now. Listening is a skill you can improve with practice; make the effort!
Your assignment: Focus on being a better listener this week. Take opportunities to “Stop, look and listen!” to the people around you, particularly your children. You may be surprised at how much they appreciate the gesture.
