Mar 03

Moms behaving badly

Categories:

Discipline, Parenting, Uncategorized

Let’s be honest here – we all have mothering moments that we’re thankful no one catches on tape.  Nobody gets parenting right all the time, and most moms lose their temper every so often, say things they later wish they hadn’t, and get impatient.

 

What’s more important than our occasional mess-ups are the messages that our words and actions during these times send to our children.   

 

A couple weeks ago, while walking down the sidewalk, I saw a small girl – probably two or three years old – step into the street.  The lady with her started screaming at her (not yelling, screaming) about not listening, yanked the child with one arm, gave her what appeared to be as hard a spanking as she could manage with the other, and all but threw the girl into her car.  “Freaking BRAT!” she yelled at the girl; “I can’t wait ‘til the nanny gets here!”

 

Yikes.  Granted, safety issues need to be treated seriously, but all I could think about were the messages the girl was given from this ordeal – that she’s a bad listener, a brat, and, at least in that moment, unwanted.  Hopefully this “care-giver” was someone other than her mother, and was having a particularly bad day, but this incident was disturbing nonetheless.

 

How do you go about sending the right messages to your children, especially when they’re driving you crazy?

·       Try not to instantly react.  Sometimes, as in the above case, an immediate reaction is necessary, but usually there’s time to take a deep breath and think about what you want to say.  If you can respond calmly, rather than reacting in anger, you’re sending a more positive message and also giving yourself better odds of being heard.  Once you start yelling, your words are often lost on a child; they just hear the anger.

·       Direct the child’s attention to what you do want.  When you redirect, you’re teaching your child and sending the message that she is capable of doing better.  When you get angry, you’re rewarding her behavior with negative attention, and by doing so you may be encouraging exactly what you don’t want, while giving your child the message that she screwed up…again.

·       For ongoing issues, be proactive.  Talk about what you expect in a given situation before a problem starts and maybe you can avoid an unpleasant scene altogether.

·       Clarify that the action, not the child, is the problem.  This is easy to overlook in the heat of the moment, but consider the difference in telling a child, “Drawing on the wall is very bad!” vs. saying “You are very bad!”  One message informs, the other demeans.

·       Beware what you tell other moms… at least when your kids are in earshot.  Moms are often eager to share war stories, but a child is likely to accept as fact whatever descriptions he overhears you telling another adult about him.  If he hears, for example, “Alex never plays well in groups,” he may internalize this message and further reinforce your expectation.

 

Finally, after a less-than-stellar mom moment when you feel you overreacted to a situation, apologize to your child and let her know you hope to do better next time.  This sends the message that no one is perfect, and models a behavior your child would do well to adopt.

 

Your assignment:  Think about your children’s behaviors that frequently push your buttons, and look for ways to better address these.  Be more proactive, look for opportunities to redirect, and focus more on what you do want rather than what you don’t.  Make it a point to respond rather than react, and be aware of the messages you send your child when you’re angry.

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Feb 24

Stop, look and LISTEN!

Categories:

Communication, Parenting, Uncategorized

Why is it so hard to be a good listener?  Everyone wants to be better at listening, but it can sometimes be really difficult… particularly for moms surrounded by young children who often have lots (and lots and lots) to say.

 

What’s so challenging about listening?  Several things, actually, depending on whether you’re interacting with your children or another adult.

·       With some kids, the talking never stops.  If you don’t acquire selective hearing, you may have a hard time focusing on anything besides the constant stream of chatter.

·       Preschool subject matter is less than thrilling.  To a youngster, the whole world is exciting.  Dora and Diego are high drama, and every plot twist is cause for lengthy conversation.  You may try hard to be interested, or at least look interested, but this doesn’t change the fact that the topic at hand just doesn’t do much for you.

·       Once you’re around adults, you want to be the one doing the talking.  After being in 3-year-old mode all day, you’re dying to talk about anything that doesn’t involve a brightly colored monster of some variety. You need to vent, or process your day, or simply have someone listen to YOU.

·       If you like to talk, it can be hard to keep quiet.  When a spouse or friend tells you something interesting, it may remind you of something similar that happened to you, and you want to share your own experience.  Or perhaps you just have a comment or observation to make.  There’s nothing wrong with the back and forth of regular conversation, but if you often find yourself interrupting or talking more than you listen, a change might be good.

 

All of these are valid issues, and can make listening difficult.  So what do you do?  Heed the title:  stop, look and listen.  Stop and set aside whatever you’re doing for a few moments, get down on your child’s level, look her in the eye and give her your undivided attention as you listen to her.  Don’t finish her sentences or rush her, just let her talk for a little while. 

 

Some moms worry that doing this will only make their child will want more and more of their time, but this isn’t necessarily the case.  Consider this: you aren’t listening to the important story your child is trying to tell you.  So what does he do?  He tells you again.  And again.  He wants to be heard.  Sometimes your dedicated listening will satisfy him, and if you’re lucky he may not need to tell you the story ten more times.  No matter what, he’ll feel happier having had the experience of being your center of attention.

 

Remember to stop, look and listen to your spouse and friends as well.  As wonderful as it is to talk, it’s a gift to the other person when you let them be the sole focus of attention.  When you put yourself fully into listening mode you no longer have to worry about what you’re going to say next, and you don’t interrupt, you’re simply present in the moment.

 

Whether with kids or adults, if you’re listening and start getting distracted just bring your attention back to the here and now.  Listening is a skill you can improve with practice; make the effort! 

 

Your assignment:  Focus on being a better listener this week.  Take opportunities to “Stop, look and listen!” to the people around you, particularly your children.  You may be surprised at how much they appreciate the gesture.

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Feb 17

Take what’s wrong and WRITE it!

Categories:

Personal Growth

No, this title is neither a misspelling nor an invitation to make a list of shortcomings; moms are good enough at being hard on themselves without added incentive.  Instead, this is about a simple tool which can help you get back on track if you have a particular area of life that isn’t working so well right now: keeping a log of everything pertaining to the issue for a week.

 

Here are some common concerns that I’ve seen moms address using this technique:

·       Food / diet / nutrition – Not long ago, a friend of mine kept a food log prior to meeting with a dietician, and was truly surprised to see how much more she ate, and how much less healthy it was, than she had thought.

·       Time management – If you aren’t quite sure where each day goes, there’s no better way to address this than by keeping track.  If you take a moment each half-hour to note what you’ve done during the previous 30 minutes, you’re likely to find that you’ve accomplished more than you thought (especially the mundane tasks, which are easy to overlook).  This will also help you recognize the true toll that television, the computer and the phone take on your free time.

·       Money – One client recently carried an envelope in her purse into which she deposited every receipt for every purchase she made, no matter how small, for a week.  Suddenly she understood where all her cash went, and realized that budgeting and saving a bit more wouldn’t be as difficult as she had anticipated.

·       Any behavior about which you wonder, “Do I really do _____ too much?” – Whether you’re trying to evaluate an aspect of parenting (such as yelling, being too lax about kids’ eating or sleeping patterns, etc) or of your own life, keeping track for a week can make a huge difference.

 

Why is this exercise so effective?  Several reasons;

·       A week is long enough to make an accurate assessment.  Let’s be honest: if you’re writing down what you eat for a day, you’ll tend to adjust that day so that your choices are better than they would usually be.  But a week is too long to be on “best behavior,” so this time frame will give you a clearer picture of where you really stand.

·       Keeping track keeps you from forgetting.  It’s easy to overlook small things, whether snacks, expenditures, or time spent on something silly; when you note each and every occurrence of something, it helps you see patterns you might otherwise miss.

·       It’s easy to believe that you are doing what you would like to be doing, or what you intend to do.  Having a record makes it easy to distinguish the actual from the wishful.

·       Facts are objective.  Once you’ve determined these, you can more easily see what is or isn’t working, and you can get someone else’s input as well; it’s harder to evaluate until you have the relevant facts.

·       Writing things down, or keeping track in some way, is the first step toward improvement.  The more aware you become of what you’re doing, the easier it is to make changes.  Generally you’ll start making small changes during your week of keeping track, which will jump start your momentum.

 

This exercise may not be the most fun (maybe even a little annoying), but you might be surprised by how helpful it can be when you’re ready to address a particular behavior or habit.  Good luck!

 

Your assignment: Pick one area of your life in which there’s room for improvement.  Commit to writing down everything you do in relation to this area for one week (or as many days as you can).  See what you notice as you look at patterns over the week, to decide which changes are most important to make.

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Feb 10

You and your Valentine

Categories:

Marriage

How are things with your leading man these days?  It is the week before Valentine’s Day, after all, so it’s a good time to look at the relationship you share with your husband or significant other.

 

Having small children can be extremely hard on a marriage, because couples often find themselves without much time.  Before kids, you could go out when you wanted, sleep when you wanted, and generally have a lot of time together; children can have a huge impact on all these areas.

 

None of this changes the importance of your relationship with your spouse, however, it just means that you may have to work harder to maintain it.  Even if things are going well for you right now, there’s always room for improvement; here are some easy ways to create more of a connection with your man:

 

·         Make “couple time” a priority.  This sounds so easy, but is one of the hardest things to do, especially when kids seem to need round-the-clock attention.  Whether once a week or once a month, recognize the importance of putting *everything*else aside and spending time alone.  Getting out of the house is ideal, to eliminate all the household distractions, but if going out is too hard then set aside time at least weekly to sit down together as soon as the kids are in bed, turn off the tv and focus all your attention on each other.

·         Don’t let cost be an issue.  You don’t have to spend a lot to create special time together.  Find a friend with similar-aged children who you can swap sitting with, or enlist a grandparent’s help, then find somewhere inexpensive to go.  Or, alternatively, drop off the kids and go back home; enjoying a quiet dinner or a relaxing evening without any kids to interrupt you can be every bit as nice as a night on the town (and you don’t even have to dress up).  What you do, or how expensive it is, is much less important then simply having “no kid” time together.  

·         Keep resentment at bay.  A spouse is often the easiest person to take for granted, or to get annoyed by.  Things that are wrong get your attention more easily than things that are fine.  If something is really an issue for you, talk to your husband about it using “I” statements (“When ___ happens, I feel ___”); any sentence that starts with, “You always _____” will immediately make the other person defensive, getting you nowhere.  When it comes to smaller issues, (“WHY can’t he put his clothes in the hamper?”) try to…

·         Let the little stuff go, and focus on the positive.  Last week’s article talked about the importance of appreciation, and nowhere is that more important than in a marriage.  If your husband is doing something minor that irritates you, try to ignore it and shift your thoughts to something you appreciate about him – he’s a good dad, he helps with the dishes, he walks the dog, etc.  Then SHARE whatever you appreciate with him; he’ll be glad to know.

·         Communicate, communicate, communicate!  When you have little ones, it can sometimes seem like child-related issues are all you ever talk about, especially if the kids are driving you crazy.  Venting and regaling each other with war stories from the day does NOT count as communication!  Focus on talking with rather than at your partner, and remember the tremendous importance of simply being quiet and listening attentively.  No one wants to talk if they’re not being heard.  Click here to read a great little article with lots of information about improving communication with your husband.

 

Making the time and effort to focus on your marriage isn’t always easy, but this is too important of an issue to set aside.  Good luck, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

Your assignment:  Think of one thing you could do this week to improve your relationship with your partner.  Create some dedicated “couple time,” focus more on what you love about your spouse, or make better communication a priority.

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Feb 03

2-4-6-8, who do YOU appreciate?

Categories:

Personal Growth

February, the month associated with love, is upon us.  This is the perfect time to look at those people who you most appreciate, and consider how to best share your sentiments.

 

Why is appreciation so important?  Several reasons, actually.

  • It improves your mindset.  You can’t simultaneously focus on what’s right and what’s wrong; expressing appreciation (or even just recognizing it) causes you to feel more gratitude for all the good things in your life, making your world a nicer place to be.
  • Every time you share words of appreciation, you’re giving feedback which encourages more of the behavior you’re noticing.  This is especially important for your kids, who are usually glad to know what makes Mom happy.
  • You see what you look for.  When you’re intending to find things to appreciate, you notice the positive, helpful and pleasant people and things around you, which you might otherwise overlook.
  • Appreciation given to others puts your recipients in a good mood.  Everyone likes to hear honest, heartfelt words of admiration, especially when unexpected and unsolicited.

So how do you begin expressing more appreciation?  

  • Start at home.  It’s easy to take family members for granted, but the people under your roof are probably the most important ones to give appreciation to.  By doing so, you begin to create a more positive environment for everyone.
  • Expect a little discomfort… but don’t let it deter you.  If you’re not used to sharing your gratitude for and to the people around you, it will feel strange to do so at first.  As with anything new, however, “practice makes perfect!”
  • Look for the small stuff.  You don’t need to wait for monumental things to surface; appreciate the grocery store cashier who always greets you with a smile, the neighbor who brings in your trash can, the young nephew who remembers good manners.  If you’re feeling brave, tell each person what you appreciate about them.  If not, tell your children; when they hear you express appreciation for others, it can give them a new perspective and help them put a more positive spin on things in their own lives.
  • When it comes to your kids, appreciate the effort.  Children aren’t going to get everything right, and the younger they are the more this holds true.  When I mentioned this week’s topic to my son, he told me, “I like when people appreciate something that I’ve worked really hard at,” and I think this is true for most kids.  Whatever they may or may not actually accomplish is much less important than the fact that they’re trying.  Their effort needs to be the focus.

Last but certainly not least, remember to appreciate the wonderful lady in the mirror.  She does so much for so many people, and (whether or not she hears it a lot) she’s doing a great job.

 

Your assignment:  This week, actively look for people to appreciate, and find a way to share this appreciation either with them or with others.  Be sure to tell your family members what you especially appreciate about each of them, too; they’ll love to hear it.

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Jan 27

Resolve to be more productive!

Categories:

Personal Growth

When I speak to groups of moms, the issue of productivity almost always comes up.  For most moms there aren’t enough hours in the day, and there are usually more things on the to-do list than you can possibly squeeze in to the 24 hours you have, especially when 23 of those hours seem to be spent on feeding, dressing, changing, cleaning up after, transporting and otherwise caring for your children.

 

Kids aside, there are still lots of other things needing to be taken care of; how DO you fit everything in?  Here are a few easy ideas for making your days a little more productive:

 

  • Write it all down.  Having a general list of what you want to get done makes it easier to prioritize.  Once you decide which items are “have-to’s” and which are just “want-to’s,” you can focus on the first group and fit in anything else as time permits. 
  • Don’t hold yourself to pre-child standards.  There may once have been a time when you could get everything done, but it’s completely unfair to expect that of yourself now.  If you have a whole page of tasks written down, it’s a sure thing that half of them aren’t going to actually get accomplished – at least not today.  Be realistic about how much you expect of yourself, and don’t be afraid to…
  • Delegate!  Ok, so your husband might not buy the right brand of diapers if you send him to the store, but maybe it’s worth getting help anyway, especially if the alternative is you carting along children who will make the task take twice as long.
  • Be realistic.  Look at how much time you actually have available in a given day, and decide the best possible use of that time.  What one or two items most need to get done?  Free time is a precious commodity – focus on the tasks that are most important to you.
  • Ask “Who cares?”  Really!  Look at what’s on your list, and ask yourself who thinks that each item is important.  Sometimes moms create a lot of unnecessary work for themselves by including lots of “shoulds” on their to-do list, even if no one really cares about a given task being done.  Certain cleaning chores often fall into this category; decide which ones you can dismiss without anyone being likely to notice, or give yourself permission to do these less frequently.
  • First things first.  No matter what else is or isn’t getting done, be sure you’re making time to be fully present with your children.  If this falls through the cracks you’ll feel less satisfied overall, no matter what else you’ve accomplished.
  • Beware the time thieves!  A “quick” check of e-mail or Facebook can cause huge chunks of time to mysteriously disappear.  The phone and TV are also common culprits.  There’s nothing wrong with taking time out, the trouble happens when unplanned distractions put you behind for the rest of the day.  This is why you might want to…
  • Build in play time – for YOU.  Everyone needs down time; if you don’t make any you’ll find it creeping in anyway.  Instead, plan to take a half-hour nap, put your feet up and read, or watch your favorite show during your child’s naptime, and treat yourself to a much-deserved break.  Being a mom is a round-the-clock job, and it can be exhausting; time out can keep you from getting overwhelmed.  Besides, after a little down time you’re likely to be even more productive.  Don’t feel guilty about needing a little respite here and there.

If all else fails, and you’re still not sure where your time goes, keep track for a day or two.  Every half hour or so, write down what you’ve done in this period.  You’re likely to get a very clear idea of where you could use your time more efficiently, and you may realize that you’re already more productive than you think.

 

Your assignment:  Take a look at your productivity.  What important things aren’t you getting done in a given week, and what changes could you make to be more productive?  Could you reprioritize, better use your time, delegate, or change your expectations and get rid of excess “to-do’s”?  Address what’s most important to you and look for ways to let the rest go.

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Jan 20

Resolve to look and feel your best!

Categories:

Self-care

Really, who among us doesn’t want to look fabulous on an ongoing basis?  This is an area lots of moms would like to address.  And of course, “Lose weight!” is one of the top New Year’s resolutions many people make. 

 

Looking great doesn’t have to involve shedding pounds, however, and there are lots of easy ways to feel better about how you look with or without weight loss being a part of the equation:

 

·         Know your style.  Your body shape and size have a lot to do with which clothes look great on you and which don’t.  If you find style to be a challenge, an online fashionista who calls herself MissusSmartyPants offers free weekly newsletters and an online radio show filled with great fashion tips and ideas for looking stylish on a shoestring.  She also offers weekly advice tailored to your specific body type for only a few dollars a month.

·         Know your colors.  The color of your skin, eyes and hair determines whether particular colors of clothing make you stand out or look washed out.  It can be hard to see this for yourself, but there are lots of books and websites that can help.  This one is a great starting point.

·         Back to basics.  Some moms will say, “I’m not going anywhere special, so there’s no reason to shower or put on makeup.”  But here’s the thing – even if you don’t have to do these things, they generally make you feel better (and more attractive), and many moms report being more productive when they get out of sweats and into regular clothes.

·         Get physical.  Even a little extra exercise goes a long way towards feeling better.  Aside from the obvious benefit of helping with weight management, a short power walk or quick trip to the gym will leave you more energized for hours afterward, you’ll tend to be less hungry, and exercise boosts your immune system as well.

·         Go green.  Add more fruits and veggies into your diet, and keep them on hand (cut up and ready to eat, ideally) for snacks; any produce will give you more sustained energy than sugary snacks.  The more leafy greens you can add into your diet, the better.  Not only are these low in calories, but they help fight off cancer and heart disease, and they’re good for your bones and eyes too.  Greens are certainly not everyone’s favorites, but with all their benefits it’s worth making an effort to get used to them and eat more.

·         Hit the sack.  Though not always possible if there’s a baby in your house, getting enough sleep helps you look and feel better, giving you more energy, fewer dark circles under your eyes, and a better outlook on life.

·         Attitude is everything.  Well, maybe not everything, but it plays a huge role in how you look and feel.  If you feel confident, this shows in your posture, your eye contact, your gait, and your general body language.  The opposite is true as well.  Look around you and you can quickly separate those who feel good about themselves from those who don’t; make whatever changes you need to make so that you’ll be in the former category rather than the latter, or make your best effort to “fake it ’til you make it!”

 

 

 

Your assignment:  Think about what you could do to look and/or feel better in the coming week.  Consider your clothes, foods and habits to see where there’s room for improvement and commit to at least one positive change.

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Jan 13

Resolve to feel like a great mom!

Categories:

Parenting

Yes, this title is a bit odd, but there’s a reason for it.  Another option was “Resolve to be a great mom”.  But let’s be honest here – you’re already a great mom.  The fact that you’re taking time to read blogs on mom websites shows that parenting is important to you – and only great moms care about such things to begin with.  But being a great mom and feeling like a great mom can be two very different things, and they don’t always go hand in hand.

 

The way you feel about your parenting impacts your enjoyment of being a mom and puts the whole experience in a more positive or negative light, so this is an important area to address.  Here are some easy ways to feel better about who you are (and what you do) as a mom:

 

  • Ask yourself what you love about being a mom.  Give this some thought: what specific activities and interactions with your child are your favorites?  The more of these you can build into your daily routine, the better.
  • Dump the “shoulds”.  It’s so easy to get caught up in “shoulds,” and in noticing what you haven’t gotten done, that you can lose sight of all the things you have done… and done well. 
  • Give yourself a little credit.  If a girlfriend comes to you and says she feels like a bad mom, you’ll come up with ten examples of why she’s wonderful.  But if you’re like most moms you don’t extend this courtesy to yourself.  Give yourself a pat on the back for every story you sit down and read, every hug you give, every crying child you cheer up.  All your loving actions matter, but sometimes the small ones are easy to overlook.
  • Try to keep your patience.  There’s nothing like losing one’s temper to make most moms feel awful afterward, whatever the circumstances leading up to the outburst.  Anything you can do to stay calm and stop yourself from yelling will go a long way toward feeling better about the situation later on.
  • Create daily quality time.  Whatever makes you feel most connected to your child, look for opportunities to build this in on a daily basis.  This connection goes a long way toward enjoying motherhood and feeling more satisfied.
  • Fill in the blank:  I feel like a great mom when ________.  Whatever you just came up with is absolutely essential to focus on, whether it’s a behavior or an activity.  This may seem basic, but moms often don’t focus on the underlying causes of why they’re satisfied or unsatisfied at the end of a given day.

 

Your assignment:  Think about the things you do that make you feel great as a mom and look for ways to implement these on a regular basis.  If you notice you’re being critical of yourself, try to turn this around and give yourself credit for everything you’re doing right.  Look for ways to better enjoy the daily journey that is motherhood. 

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Jan 06

Resolve to be a tortoise

Categories:

Personal Growth

It’s hard to believe 10 years have passed since everyone breathed a sigh of relief that Y2K didn’t bring society as we knew it to a screeching halt at the stroke of midnight on 1/1/2000.  And now a whole new decade is beginning.

 

Looking back to where you were at the start of the year 2000, did you have any idea you’d be where you are today in terms of your work, your marriage, your children, your life in general?  Do you remember what hopes you had for your life ten years ago?  If you journaled or kept track of your goals and aspirations, how close is your actual life to the life you envisioned?

 

For some people, this kind of reflection is very satisfying – you’ve accomplished more than you expected, you’re happy with your situation, your children, your partner.  For others, there’s a sense of sadness; you wanted your life to turn out differently, your marriage didn’t work out, your financial picture isn’t as strong as you’d like.  If you feel good about your life, take this opportunity to acknowledge how fortunate you are, and to plan how to continue your positive momentum.  If you wish things were different, look ahead to what specific changes you’d like to make to turn things in a better direction.

 

When you envision your life over a long period of time, like a decade, almost anything is possible.  So often we start a new year resolving to make huge life changes, only to burn out within a few weeks.  Instead, start thinking about what small (even tiny), meaningful and sustainable changes you can make which will, over time, get you where you want to be.  The tortoise in that old children’s fable (The Tortoise and the Hare) had it right: slow and steady really does win the race.

 

Here’s a simple example; suppose you want to read more.  You could resolve to set aside an hour every day for reading.  This is a great idea, but probably not realistic for very long.  The tortoise approach, instead, could be to read at least 5 pages of a book every day.  This sounds like almost nothing, but the simplicity is what makes it doable, even on busy days.  Imagine that you did this every single day for a whole year; you would have covered over 1800 pages – several large books.  Granted, 5 pages a day may not feel as satisfying as an hour of reading, but the point is this: over time you can accomplish incredible things with just a little continuing effort.

 

Over the next few weeks we’ll be looking at some common resolutions and some realistic ways to make them happen, tortoise-style.  Ten years from now, or even one year from now, where do you want your life to be?  What do you want to be doing differently?  And what tiny, tortoise-style changes can you make today to start you on your way?

 

Your assignment:  Think about your hopes for your life over the next year (or next few years).  When you recognize changes you want to make, decide on ways to implement tortoise-style goals – tiny, sustainable modifications that, over time, will get you exactly where you want to be.  Then start today!  Good luck!

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Dec 29

Lessons from a Christmas ornament

Categories:

Parenting

Each year, as I get out (and now put away) all my Christmas ornaments, I come upon one that my mother gave me several years ago, when my children were small.  It’s a little “time capsule,” which captured a snapshot of my life at that time – and it always makes me laugh and cry. 

 

The ornament is a little metal cylinder in the shape of a lantern, with a small piece of parchment inside.  On the paper are questions that I answered about my past year (2000) and my hopes for the year to come (2001).   My responses reflected the fact that I was right smack in the middle of mothering young children; of all the things I could have wished for, at the top of my list was for my 3-year-old son to become potty trained (which happened), and for my 3-month-old daughter to drink from a bottle (which didn’t, so I stayed in very close proximity that next year).

 

This little ornament always reminds me of some important lessons:

  • Keep everything in perspective.  Even though nursing and diapers really did seem like the most important things in the world, these concerns were so fleeting in the big scheme of things, and worked themselves out just like every other childrearing issue does.  Whatever challenge is facing me right now, there’s a good chance that a few deep breaths and a bit more patience are good ways to address it.
  • Make time for what really matters.  Whatever non-kid challenges I faced when my children were little (keeping the house clean, running errands and so forth) have long since escaped me.  But I cherish the memories of reading stories together, going to the park, building Thomas train sets with my son, playing with my infant daughter… and I wish I had made even more time for these precious interactions.
  • Enjoy the moment.  It’s absolutely clichéd, but I have to say it: the time when your children are small is so fleeting.  You want to savor it as much as possible.  It would have been nice if my daughter would have taken a bottle once in a while, but on the flip side nursing made me stop what I was doing and simply enjoy watching my baby for a little while.  I’ll never have another “magic pill” that instantly fixes everything for my children the way nursing did; I miss that. 
  • Capture the moment.  So many moms put off journaling (not to mention scrapbooking) because they don’t have time for anything elaborate.  The thing is, you don’t need a lot of time.  Writing a couple sentences to remind you of cute things your children said or did is all you need to capture a moment.  Take pictures of your child’s unique wardrobe choices and get candid shots when your kids aren’t giving you their “cheese” smiles.  Be sure to record their voices too; all too soon every word will be pronounced correctly, and the little person just learning to talk will be a distant memory.
  • Capture your child’s moments.  Every so often, when you talk to your kids about their day, write down the highlights they share – the art project they loved, the tall tower they proudly built.  If they’re a little older, ask them what they remember from the past year.  In my family we do this every December, and I’m always surprised at the memories that stand out for each child.  They often mention special celebrations and holidays, but also things like meeting a new friend, a personal achievement, a special toy, a favorite movie.  For me, having these yearly recollections is priceless.

 

Your assignment:  As 2009 draws to a close, take a moment to capture this period of time in your life and the lives of your children.  Whatever you want to remember, years from now, document it in some way.  If your kids are old enough, ask them about their own memories – you might be surprised by what they tell you.

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